I am on precipice of a new chapter in my life.
Really nervous. Change is really hard for me and my idiosyncrasies are becoming harder to hide. I can do work things, no problem but I can’t remember things pertaining to myself. I can’t remember if I took medicine or just thought I did. Like I spent all day going back and forth thinking I filled the animals water bowl. And no I didn’t but I’m pretty sure I did, nope I see it’s nearly empty but I could’ve sworn I did it. I’ll do it later but I’m sure I just did it. And on and on.
It’s not usually this bad but I’m hoping it’ll even out.
I asked my mom if she thinks I should start writing down things. Keep notes on when I ate, took medicine etc.
She thinks it’s not that bad but earlier she did want me to set up a camera and tape myself lol
I’m procrastinating and not wanting to go to sleep.
There was a time in my life where I never thought I’d make it to 20. But it came and then 21 and 22.
I still don’t see a future for myself but it’s changing.
My job and responsibilities are shifting.
The idea of moving out was just a wish but now, I can see it realistically happening. who knows! I could pay off my debts, get a car, start my life again.
My bosses, their bosses and everyone close to me has so much faith in me it’s unbelievable. The co-owner of the company interviewed me and asked how long I could see myself working for him. I laughed and said 5-6 yrs maybe. He said people my age, with my dedication are still with them well into their 50’s. He had such faith in me that he thought I could bypass all the classes and become a manager straight off the bat. No one at the company locally has done this without a degree.
I am so grateful to everyone in my life, including all of you.
I was ready to give up, start applying for any job I could get. Thinking I was wasting my life here, why would they ever want me to advance. And bam just like that, things started changing.
I may not be what I dreamt when I was child. That dream died with my father but I am determined to the best I can for my family. I don’t understand what people see in me but I will spend the rest of my energy living up to the image they have.
I may not be focusing on my art right now but I’m still an artist. It’ll take time but I will slowly let you see what I’ve done and what I’m capable of.
"You’ll live forever"
I’m going to try, buddy. For you all.
My mom has a tradition of keeping change jars. She fills them all year and gives it to me on my birthday. This year I also kept a jar and filled it with my change/tips.
Rolled it right now and it’s $416.
I’m so shocked right now.
i feel like it’s an accurate representation of who i am
…right down to the non transparent white background. #soclose
i did nothing today. applied calming oatmeal facial mask because my skin is being ridic right now. thinking nothing but calm thoughts, and trying not to freak out more than i am.i mean it’s not like this week will determine the next chapter of my life and my 25th birthday is only like 2 weeks away.
no pressure at all.
The big 25.
So far I’ve been reminded i have yet to publish a thing (well, in recent years) and I’m stuck at a shitty hellhole of a job.
Now to rectify this I need to
1. Get my creative juices flowing (eww, juices)
2. Figure out if getting that ‘promotion’ at work is really worth it. (Spoiler alert: it totes isn’t).
I want to start writing but the question is what? Where do I start?
The other idea I have is to start regular vlogs (again…don’t bother searching) to get me to practice acting like a passable human in society. Again, the question is what? How? With what equipment? I got the audio down, several mics, and the software. So much software just collecting dust.
I’ve been researching and still feel iffy about the choices. I have stuff bookmarked on my amazon wish list (located on my page). I have 100 dollar gift card and I’m thinking of either putting that towards a decent camera or headphones.
Goals for the next 2 years:
Put money in savings and pay down debts
Find a job
Publish a thing
Maybe you don’t have ‘friends’ because you’re a judgmental,self centered, asshole?
We’re all fucking dying but I don’t need to hear about every time we interact, when you can’t even muster up the fake interest about my life. Or just ignore it when I finally do share something no one else knows. Casually talk over me getting triggered about your plans of how you would commit suicide If you weren’t a coward. Never address my shaky admission that hey, I failed twice can you please stop talking about it so lightly.
It’s ok. Because I don’t exist. I never have.
Then it sucked but turned out ok again.
I love my employees and they totally make all the bullshit I have to put up with worth it.
I’m sticking through the classes so I can become the leader they think I am.
that awkward moment when this super old guy tries to spit game at me and when i dont bite, asks if im jehovah.
A lot of upsetting changes this week. My cousin and staff leader is being promoted but not at our store.
So now I’m in the running with three others for promotion. Staff leader classes start in July/August and it was hinted that the person will become a manager pretty soon after passing.
The other 2 that were up for the promotion each told me in confidence that if I wanted the position they both would step down. They said that I deserve it more.
That’s just because last night I had made up my mind about finding a tech job somewhere. And now this.
Boss says he thinks I’m ready for more responsibility and a pay raise but I need to be more aggressive and vocal. That I need to start telling people what to do and without him telling me.
i really really hate when people try to small talk and when i dont offer up that im actually a sky diving foodie with a harem of guys, they treat me like im a loser. who the fuck are you to judge me? im just trying to make it through the day, i dont fucking have time to deal with assholes and their nonsense.
This customer was asking me what there was to do around here and I told him not much. Apparently he was trying to chat me up. My boss was giving a girl a register in the office. He heard the guy trying to “mack” on me (his word) and ran out of the office and started talking to the guy. The guy got weirded out and left really abruptly. I hadn’t picked up on the fact that the guy was flirting and my boss was all “I heard what he was trying and nope! Had to shut that down fast. Nope. Nope.”
😳 uhhhhh the fuck, breh?